Update 1:Norah Hits Kennedy Krieger :)

Hello  dear people who are loving, praying, giving and serving our family,

I wanted to take a few minutes to update you all on Norah and her first week here at KKI, at Johns Hopkins.
We arrived Tuesday and slowly throughout the day met our team of many people. Medical doctors, Physical Therapists, Occupational Therapists, Psychologists, Social Workers, Neuropsychologists, Nurses, Techs, Child Life Staff...You name them, we met them. Norah settled in well and we both slept well our first night.

Two days I followed Norah to her therapies, with an impending time of me leaving on the third day due to the normal treatment plan for someone with her illness.

Our meeting was Thursday afternoon. I was weepy as I was anticipating what they told me to expect, to be sent home (or away) for an undetermined amount of time. I prayed and asked the Lord for favor, and His will for whatever they told me. But they went an atypical route and let me stay with Norah indefinitely. As long as she cooperates, I am allowed to be with her each night. I must leave the hospital during her treatment day from 9-5 during the week and until lunch on Saturdays. She needs to work hard and things are challenging so they don't want her to see me at all during the day, so as not to interfere with progress. I was thrilled to be able to have dinner, bedtime, and breakfast with her.

The people here are amazing. Everyone is really great. What amazing hands we are in! It is really humbly to be in such a great place getting help for Norah. I am excessively thankful!!!!

She is cooperating splendidly and is working very hard. I can't say how wonderful and what an answer to prayer that is for us!!!

I am learning so much about trusting God in all my fears as I have been faced with so many, many new and challenging things due to this season and being here, away from my husband and other children, insurance issues, meetings and questioning. I am thrust to the throne and am seeking Him as my need of Him is never ending.

Your prayers and gifts and love towards us is so sustaining. WE ARE SO THANKFUL!!!!!! GOD RICHLY BLESS YOU!!!!!

HE is an amazing God. We are utterly humbled to be His and to be so richly blessed. Norah says thank you to everyone for praying for her and giving to us in so many ways!!!!

I look forward to sharing all the little ways He is showing up and what He is teaching me...I hope to write again soon!

                                                                                                                      Love,
                                                                                                                          Theresa

Got Faith?

As I have walked these past several months with Norah in her illness, people have often said things to me like this: "Your faith is an encouragement to me." or "Your faith strengthens my faith"...I must admit that I had several initial thoughts in response to that. One of my first quick thoughts was, "Oh, I am so glad that people are encouraged." and the next thoughts that I had were, "People are encouraged by watching me doing THIS?" Yeah, I was all over the place. But as I have continued to hear these same words over and over again, I have spent more time thinking about them and what faith really is.

It's cool that the Bible gives us an actual definition of faith along with so many real life examples. The definition comes from Hebrews, and most Christians would know the verse.

"Now faith is the substance of things hoped for; the evidence of things unseen."
(I'll leave that there for just a few minutes)

As I was mulling over my thoughts about faith, I had many thoughts that were saying,"You don't have a faith worth lauding...you are struggling, walking in the dark and don't even really sense that the LORD is hearing you." Really, that's where I was some days. When your kid cries and begs to die and you force-feed her water while have a physical altercation, my "faith" seemed...well, less than beautiful or praise-worthy.

But the Bible further goes on to say that those who have faith, "must believe that He is and that He is a rewarder of those who diligently seek Him". I have come to see that I did have faith, and that was what people were encouraged by.  As I trudged through these months, (which frankly seemed eternal on the hardest days), I couldn't see what God was doing, but I BELIEVED all the things I had heard about HIM...that HE is good, that He IS working all things together for good to those who love Him, that He is in perfect control of my life, that He strengthens the weak, that He hears when I call, that he will never leave or forsake me. As I walked in belief of those things, He sustained me, strengthened me in my heart and carried me through.

So I do have a faith worth being encouraged by, not because of me at all. But because of the One in Whom my faith rests. My faith is in GOD, the Almighty Maker of heaven and Earth. And as I have walked "through the valley of the shadow of death" He has kept His promises.  My faith is in the ONE Who has the power over all things. HE is the object of my faith, the source of my faith and the fulfillment of my faith.

You have faith, whoever you are. Maybe you are a God-fearer and Bible believer, you have faith that what God says is true, that Jesus is real and that He died for your sins and He is coming again. Your faith will provoke you to live your life for Him. Your faith in Him, will be salvation to your soul. Maybe you are a God-hater or God-ignorer...you have decided that you don't need God and you choose to live your life your way with no fear of consequence. But you do have faith...that you don't need Him.  We all have faith...some in something that will ultimately satisfy, some in something that will ultimately disappoint.

I haven't seen God with my eyes, but I have many evidences that HE is real and that is what I'm banking my life on. One day, I won't need faith anymore, because my faith will be made sight. I will see Him face to face and behold Him in His glory. And I will fall down at His feet and worship and proclaim, "Worthy is the Lamb!"

Today I live in faith, knowing that He is real and a worthy object of my faith, of my praise and of my life's devotion. I will not be ashamed on the last day, because all my hope is in Him. Where do you place your faith?

C.S. Lewis best said, Jesus is either a Liar, a Lunatic, or He is LORD? You live in faith that one of those things is true. Which do you choose?

To Whom Shall We Go?

In my darkest moments of Norah's sickness... knowing that she asks God to take her to heaven on most days and knowing how great her pain is...how she cries and moans all the day long, how she has lost her zest for life, how she is not the same little girl she used to be...I grieve. I grieve. I cry and mourn for my child because I just want her to be out of pain. I want her suffering to end.

 I trust God, but in the dark it seems that He is not hearing. BUT He is hearing. He is hearing but His timing to heal her has not come as of yet. I know He is hearing because I have His WORD that tells me this over and over...
"I love the LORD because he hears my voice and my prayer for mercy. Because he bends down to listen, I will pray as long as I have breath". Ps. 116:1-2
"Therefore I will look unto the LORD;  I will wait for the God of my salvation: my God will hear me" Micah 7:7
"Cast your burden on the LORD, and He will sustain you, He will never suffer the righteous to be moved." Ps. 55:2

He hears. I must trust that. As I have been waiting for Him to answer, I have gotten weary at times and discouraged...I know people get very discouraged and bitter as they wait on God to answer their prayers. Some people turn away from Him because they are angry and bitter because of the delay in his answering. I get that. I have felt great low moments in this time. But let me tell you where my heart has also gone in my grieving,  questioning moments. God has led me to some words in the Bible that have sustained my weary and grieving heart.

Here's the story: The day after Jesus fed the 5000, many people were following after him, seeking more signs. The next day, He was teaching some things that were hard for many of His followers to believe. He was teaching them that He was "the bread that came down from heaven..." The people were  grumbling amongst themselves...and they decided to no longer follow Jesus. Jesus turned to the disciples who were remaining and asked them, "Do you want to leave too?" They looked at Him and said,
"To Whom shall we go LORD? for only You have the words of life"

If I turn my back on God in the pain of my darkest moments, I choose death. There isn't
Anyone to turn to who can ultimately help me or bring me life and joy. It is God who brought me into this world and who makes my very heart to beat. Turning my back on Him because things aren't going my way, is foolish. There isn't anywhere to go...my heart your heart was made for relationship with Him, and nothing can fill the void in our hearts truly, except Him. He is HOPE, He is joy, He is love. He has the answers to the grief in this world that we suffer, His Scriptures offer life and hope. I dare you to find answers somewhere else. Only He truly satisfies and ultimately He holds your life in His hands. His hands are capable good and loving...I dare not look anywhere else. I know Who holds the words of life. I will look to no other. To Whom shall you go? Xo

How Dare You!?!

It seems like forever that my little girl hasn't been well. I know it hasn't been forever, but it seems long as the one who cares for and bears the burdens of my sweet girl. From September when she hurt her foot in gymnastics, she has been on crutches. The first week of October, she got her second boot with a broken foot that took them three long weeks to discover...all the while she cried to me, "Mommy my foot hurts!" If you are a parent, then you know what it feels like to see your child hurting or in pain. It stinks. You just want to be able to make it better. Period. As the months have passed, what started as a hurt foot has become a horrible sickness that is wreaking havoc on my child's body. I HATE WATCHING HER HURT. I HATE HEARING HER CRY. I HATE IT. In the past week, it has escalated so that her pain makes me cry...she ails, moans, and screams most of the day, from 7 am to 12-1am...It is horrible. It breaks my heart.

I don't tell you this to make you feel sorry for her or me...I tell you this for a much greater reason. I tell you this because I have found a beautiful hope and silver lining in this terrible, sad pain. While in church a couple weeks ago, we sang these words: "You the perfect Holy One, crushed Your Son..." WHAT? He crushed His own Son? Why yes, in fact He did. The Scriptures tell us:

"Yet it pleased the LORD to bruise Him;
He has put Him to grief." Is 53:10

He bruised His own Son and He watched His own Son die the most atrocious death. The Scriptures tell us that Jesus, the Son, was beaten so that He was unrecognizable...even beyond looking human any longer. Jesus took the suffering and beating of a lifetime, sweating drops of blood, His very back ripped to shreds, and the hairs of His beard torn straight out of His face. And His Father watched. Not only did He watch, He allowed it to happened. He ordained it to happen. He watched the only Son He had be tortured...and for WHAT? For you!!!!!! He is a perfect and Holy God and requires perfection as the price for salvation and eternal life. He knew you couldn't ever be perfect, so He let His perfect Son be tortured in your stead.
The Scripture also says,

"He was wounded for our transgressions (sins),
He was bruised for our iniquities.
The chastisement for our sin was upon Him,
And by His strips we are healed." Is. 53:5

Let us be careful to never think that God is not good. Let us ever be mindful as we suffer that He understands suffering. He understands hurt. He experienced grief watching His own be put to death and for us at that. How dare we ever say that He is not good!!!! How dare we ever think that He doesn't understand!! He is ultimate good and ultimate beauty and ultimate perfection. And we need Him, Oh how we need Him! We need Him to walk these hard days and we need Him to enter the kingdom of our Lord for all eternity. It will be so good there. He is preparing for us a place. There'll be no more pain there, no more tears, and Jesus will be there...and all will be right and good. I hope and pray when the evil one tempts you to think that God is not good, you will remember what He did for you in letting His Son be put to grief and death for you. I pray you give your life to this God, to Christ, who gave His all for you. He makes life worth living and He is the only good worth living for. Love you, friends. xo

In Every Diagnosis, He is Good

This has been the season sickness and health difficulties in our home. From September when I found out of my issues and when Norah first injured her right foot, things have been harder than normal here. Certainly not harder than many people's trials, but for us we've been needing extra grace here. Norah broke her foot back in the first week of October. It took the doctors a few weeks to find the broken bones,but when they finally did she was put in the cast like any normal kid and sent home to heal. Well,a very long story short her healing hasn't come as we expected. And we've been walking the road of trying to find out what is wrong with our poor sweet girl. A very very long story short, she has been finally Officially diagnosed by specialist at UVA hospital with what we expected, Complex Regional Pain Syndrome. The diagnosis is a complication stemming from her broken foot and it is a nerve condition affecting the autonomic nervous system and the central nervous system. What it really does is starts with the injured limb with abnormal amounts of pain,contortion and as time goes on it progresses to more and more symptoms which Norah is currently seeing and feeling. Her full body is in pain a lot of the time. Some days she looks fairly normal but she is always suffering. She has a cold little limp leg and foot and is in pain most of the time, well I think she would say all of the time. She wakes during the night and cries out in pain and discomfort. As of last Sunday this disorder has also taken her bladder function. I know you can hardly believe that probably if you know what I've been through lately. But due to the numbness and nerve issues she cannot control her bladder. And my sweet beautiful almost 9-year-old now has to wear diapers again. She is going through so very much.We are so thankful to have officially have a diagnosis. There are not many hospitals in the country that service children with this disorder. The hospital at UVA wants to do a treatment to her that would put her in the ICU for a week. They are not accustomed to using this treatment on children and we have done some research and are not comfortable with her having that sort of drug treatment. They are telling us we need to move quickly in getting her treatment. There is a hospital in Philadelphia that specializes in this problem in children. We have applied there and we are waiting to get her the right help.
We are constantly looking to the Shepherd, the good Shepherd of our souls. We're asking HIM to lead and guide and direct our psth. We hate seeing our little girl suffer. But we know that He is in perfect control and that He is walking this with us. We live in a world full of sin and suffering, but He is not absent. Christ has suffered the ultimate suffering for us and has compassion on us in our sufferings. We know that what his word says is true, "and we know that ALL things work together for good to those who love Him and who are called according to His purpose." Norah is putting all her trust in the Lord and we are too. She is a beautiful testimony of God's grace. He is truly good and we know it deep within our souls.

Laughing At Days to Come

So this has been a long fall. When I found out in September that I had to have surgery for somethings that were no longer working as they should be in my body, I found myself in a bundle of anxiety. So many thoughts, uncertainties, wanting to be in control of the situation, but being at a complete loss to control anything. I knew God was calling me trust Him, and I was trying to but I could feel myself resisting in part. For my birthday I picked out a necklace with the prayer of my heart, "She is clothed with strength and dignity. She laughs at the future without fear". Oh how I longed to make that the prayer of my heart in my health issues and every part of my life. Nevertheless, I was holding back a bit. But One morning in church, we sang a song called "Sovereign Over Us". It was then that the LORD sent such a precious peace to my heart and began to help me to let go and let Him do whatever He wanted to do. The words said, "Your plans are still to prosper, You have not forgotten us, You're with us in the fire and the flood. You're faithful forever, perfect in love, You are Sovereign Over us." Sovereign...possessing supreme or ultimate power...not out of control, not caught off guard. Ahhh, at that moment my hands and eyes were opened to Him...to let Him do whatever He sees fit to do, to leave my life in the perfect control of the God of the Universe, Whom I know loves me, because He sent His very Son to die for me. I need not worry or fear the days to come, I could laugh at them, without fear.

I wish I could say that everyday in the days preceding my surgery I was laughing at the days to come, I was not. I had good days and some not so good days. Well surgery day has come and gone, almost a month now. Everything went as planned and I didn't die! LOL! (My morbid self considered that an possibility ;) )

But something went a little wrong with my bladder that day. I could no longer pee! And a very long story short, I went home with a bag attached to me and was in the waiting for a few days. When it was time to remove, I was excited to be able to be free and go again, except I still couldn't pee. So we went another so many days, and yup, no pee. So a great nightmare of mine came true, and I had to learn to self-catherize! But God gave me grace, and as I stood crying in my room in pain from surgery and grieving over not being able to go to the bathroom and having to catherize myself, I STARTED LAUGHING, while I was crying, but I was laughing. I laughed because in a very real way I could feel God's strength raining down on me and whispering to me to count it joy to suffer. "My brethren, count it all joy when you fall into various trials, KNOWING that the testing of your faith produces patience." As the days went on I could hear the Spirit of God, not in an audible voice, but in my heart, telling me to "COUNT it JOY". And the unbelievable thing is that He is giving me strength and grace as I walk through my bladder not working. I don't have an agenda. I don't feel the need to control things. I don't need an answer by a certain day. I am just rejoicing that He is using this to turn my heart to Him. I am praying more. I am more burdened for those who are really in greater pain and trouble than I have ever seen. I am awake more in the middle of the night, and so I am praying. I see how distracted I can be from spending good time in His word and praying and this trial of my bladder is helping me to turn more to Him. And I have a joy that cannot be explained in any other way than it is straight from Him. "Great peace have they who love Your law and nothing can make them stumble". Psalm 119:165.

So as I head off to the restroom to do something that horrified me and I thought I could never do, I laugh. I laugh at the unbelievable to me-- that He has given me joy in the middle of the struggle. I rejoice that the LORD loves me and in the middle of difficulty He is drawing me closer to Himself. I laugh at days to come (though I still fear at times- I haven't arrived by any means)...knowing that the One Who is helping me to catherize myself every couple hours will give me strength and grace to face whatever lies ahead in my future days. I pray that He would continue to give me the faith to trust Him in the days of uncertainty ahead, the possibility of more surgery and all that entails. He is so good and I am so thankful that He calls me His child! What a privilege it is!!! xo

Useful to Him

For almost my entire life, I think, I've wanted God to use me. Sometimes over the years, I thought it needed to be something big, or miraculous, or really noble. Through a crisis in my life He taught me that being used by Him might not be monumental, or noble, or big or even readily visible to me everyday in the ways that I thought it might be. I remember thinking that He needed me and if I messed up, everything would be messed up. What pressure! But praise be to God, He showed me how much bigger He is than that!!!! He doesn't really need me, but gives me the pleasure of being used by Him.

Sometimes what He has wanted from me has been very clear and sometimes the ways He's used me have been crystal clear. There have been other times when I have felt as if I was grappling, reaching to find what He wanted from me or how I could be used by Him. Sometimes I am tempted to fret that I need to go and find out what He wants from me, how He may see fit to use me, what purpose He has for me...I guess I get overwhelmed with all the causes in the world, all the hurt, all the things that need fixing and all the people that need help. Sometimes my tender heart is overstimulated and flooded and I don't know what good cause to focus my heart on, or my time, or my talents or my energy.

But even as my heart is confused or worried about what my purpose is in the grand scheme of life, I hear the Spirit of the LORD saying good things to me:



"And I am sure of this, that He who began a good work in you, will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ" ~Philippians 1:6

"In a large house there article not only of gold and silver, but also of wood and clay; some for honor and some for dishonor. If anyone cleanses himself of the latter he will be a vessel for honor, sanctified and useful for the Master, prepared for every good work." ~2 Timothy 2:20-21

"For we are His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, that He has prepared beforehand,that we should walk in them." ~Ephesians 2:10

And for practicality purposes, I know what the will of God is for me in simple ways...

...to love my husband, and to love my children ~Titus 2
...to do justice, love mercy and to walk humbly with my God ~ Micah 6:8
...to pray without ceasing ~Philippians

And a heart that even a few minutes ago was whirling around wondering what God wants from my life in the grand scheme, is brought to peace and all from His word.
He will do it. I must, in His strength, cleanse myself of worldly things, and He will use me for whatever good that HE has ALREADY prepared for me to walk in. So no need to fret, my dear heart, He will do it. He began the work in me me. He will complete it until I get to see Him face to face.

Law of Kindness

Proverbs 31 is a very popular Proverb and many people frequently use it to lay out this amazing woman to imitate. She has many wonderful qualities. So many qualities I long for and pray that the LORD make real in my life. One that has been coming up quite often, even in my dealings with my own children is the phrase, "and on her tongue is the law of kindness". I love that. I also am cut to the heart by that small phrase.

The Holy Spirit has been speaking to my heart lately and reminding me that when I sin in tongue, that is one of the things Christ had to die for. When I choose to speak angrily, rudely or unkindly in any way because I feel like I "need to", I am sinning. And for that sin, for the convenience and lack of self-control in my life, Christ died. I don't want to be so flippant with my words that I just speak them and ask for forgiveness later. Christ had to pay for that and I want to choose words that bring life rather than death.

Today my Pastor was speaking and teaching us that our sins are like arrows into the heart of the LORD. Every time I sin, it is like an arrow into His heart. I don't want to continually shoot arrows of grief into my Savior's heart. Sin is grievous to the heart of God. Yes, Jesus swallows up all my punishment in the cross and covers my sins with His blood. That should not be license for me to sin with my mouth. If I can make an active choice to have the law of kindness on my tongue, let this happen in my life, OH GOD!

What is the "Law of Kindness" and what does that look like fleshed out in my life? How can that be made more true in my life? I would say that the largest portion of my sins fall from my lips. I am a talker, so my words are many. The
Bible says that none of us are perfect in our words. So, all of us, have room for improvement, me first in line.

The Law of Kindness on my tongue:

Being patient in words with my children, husband and others... "Love is patient, love is kind..."
Not saying the mean or grumbling thought that comes to my mind when someone offends me..."Do all things without complaining or disputing..."
Saying words that only build up others..."speaking the truth in love..."
Refraining from yelling or negative speech...about anyone anywhere...



"Let no unwholesome word proceed from your mouth, but only such a word as is good for edification [b]according to the need of the moment, so that it will give grace to those who hear." ~Ephesians 4:29



Who will with me, this week, seek the heart of God to be a woman on whose tongue is the "Law of Kindness"? Let's write on our refrigerators, by our sinks, on our mirrors, on our hands and God be pleased to write it on our hearts!!!!!! May we be those who it can be said, "on her tongue is the law of kindness". AMEN!!!
~Theresa xo

Some Trust in Chariots

I only sometimes read the news...and I more often say to my hubs, "what's going on in the world?". That's his signal to update me on the happenings in the news. Most times, whether reading it with my own two eyes or hearing it from my husband's mouth, my heart is overwhelmed at what is happening in the world.

Last night was one of the nights I read the news...Uggh. And yes, I finished overwhelmed. And sad. And curious. And, well...scared. If you read the news and are never a little bit fearful, then you probably aren't normal. (I'd like to be more like you ;)

Journalist beheaded, Christians persecuted, children slain, riots in the city, pedophiles...you've seen it. I don't need to tell you what is in the news. But last night, as I watched and read, I was overwhelmed at what is happening all around and what could happen right here in my own state, my own town, to my own family. There was this momentary feeling of tears, and dread. Asking my hubby, what if?? What if any of this touches our lives right here, in Lynchburg, right here on our street, right here in my home, with my family, my children...

Well, even if you think things with the U.S. are fine and there will be no economic collapse and
Christians won't be martyred for their faith...or whatever. Bad things will eventually happen to you or those you love and while you can make wise choices, purchases and plans, you will not ALWAYS be able to stop the bad things from happening to you. So not to be a "Debbie Downer" or anything, but one day something bad very well may happen (and small bad things have already happened to all of us, haven't they? Some big things for some of you too.)

Ok, so bad things will happen, my Daddy told me that years ago when I was struggling with overwhelming fears as a young teen. That is for sure. But there is good news to go with that bad news, good news that far outweighs the bad. There is ONE who goes with us, before us, and loves us. Anything that touches my life, He knows about. All my days are already written in His book. Even my last day. It's already written. And while I wonder why? in many things all my days, I know Who it is Who holds my life in His hands and I know that He is always good and always in control. And one day, will right all things wrong. And so, it is in Him that I chose to put my trust. Because no matter what happens, He is with me. He is near and He knows. And in this crazy, sin sick world, He is the only ONE that doesn't change. So when the world is out of control and I see difficulties, challenges, battles, wars, murders, sickness all around, I cling to the ONLY thing that has any real promise for me. I cling to the Name of the LORD my God.

"Some trust in chariots, some trust in horses, but we trust in the Name of the LORD our God" Ps. 20:

So when I go to bed tonight, I will lock my doors and windows, but I will not trust in those locks to keep me and my family safe. When I get in the car to drive, I will buckle my seat beat and drive as safely as I can, but I will not trust in that belt or the strength of my car to keep me safe, or my skill in driving for that matter. When I send my kids off to a friend"s or to practice or class somewhere, I will know to whom I am sending them, but I will not put my trust in that person or place. I want good things to happen and I plan on lots of them happening. But I am not ultimately in control of what happens, and neither are you my friends. So when you see instability, wars, rumors of wars, murders, molestations, robberies, and martyrdom where will you look for strength, stability, and hope?

Make good plans, if you like, buy guns or stores of food or water, get safes for your gold and jewels, lock your windows and your doors, screen all the people that come into your children's lives...but in all that, remember Who ultimately holds your life in His hand. "Some trust in chariots, some in horses, but we trust in the name of the LORD our God." Let me remember, OH GOD, let me remember this when I am afraid of what lurks around the corner, what may come to pass...Let me remember, "unless the LORD guards the city, the watchman stays awake in vain." Oh God, guard us and keep us, but if and when trials come, let me cling to the NAME OF THE LORD MY GOD. He is my hope, my strength, the ONE in WHOM I will trust.

"In God I will put my trust, I will not be afraid. What can man do to me?"
Where do you put your trust?
~Theresa xo

Once Your Enemy

Sitting in church today, I hear the music begin and I hear this song that I love..."Jesus, Thank You". Loved that moment....I was so excited that we were singing that today.

The chorus of the song says:
"Your blood has washed away my sins, Jesus thank You.
The Father's wrath completely satisfied Jesus, Thank You.
Once Your enemy, now seated at Your table.
Jesus, Thank You."

Ummm....this is the summation of my life. I was born a sinner, in need of a Savior. Jesus died on the cross to take the punishment that my sin deserved, because a Holy God requires a payment for sin. "The wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life through Jesus Christ, our Lord" The requirement for my sin was paid by the blood of Jesus. Just like in the Old Testament, there was a requirement for sins to be atoned. There needed to be blood shed. Jesus said it, "without the shedding of blood, there is no remission of sins". JESUS' blood washes away my sins. The Father's rightful wrath against the sins that we commit was completely satisfied, when Jesus willingly paid the price by giving His life on the cross. And now, my favorite part of the song..."ONCE YOUR ENEMY, NOW SEATED AT YOUR TABLE"....ahhhhhh

I don't know about you, but as far as I know, most enemies are not sitting around tables together enjoying one another. And also, for most of what I have seen and known in life and in the movies, most people are not dying for someone that hates them or that they consider their enemy, right? That is why that statement is amazing...I was His enemy, and that is when He died for me, way before I ever loved Him. He died for me when I was His enemy. What a beautiful thought to me!! This Jesus, of Whom I once was an enemy, now He and I are seated at the table together. Today, it may not be Him in bodily form sitting at a table with me, but in spirit, I sit at His table, I am a friend of God now, because Jesus died for me and made me His own. I am His sister, a co-heir with Him. I am entitled to enter the presence of God, not because of me, but because of Him. And that while I did not love Him, He loved me.

AND one day, I will meet Him face to face and we will eat real food and drink real wine together at the Marriage Supper of the Lamb. I cannot wait!!! I will be seated with Him and get to worship Him unhindered for eternity. I think I might be the loudest one there ;), singing at the top of my lungs, "Your blood has washed away my sins, Jesus, Thank You...ONCE YOUR ENEMY, NOW SEATED AT YOUR TABLE, JESUS, THANK YOU!"

It is my prayer that all can sing those words with me...all my friends, family, acquaintances and strangers, even, be able to say this: That I am a sinner in need of a Savior, needing a payment and taking the offer Christ makes for me. I admit that I need Jesus and His blood. Once His enemy, I now can sit at His table as a friend of God. OH, how I want that for all of you...May God make it so. AMEN.


"For when we were still without strength, in due time Christ died for the ungodly. For scarcely for a righteous man will one die; yet perhaps for a good man someone would even dare to die. But God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us. Much more then, having now been justified by His blood, we shall be saved from wrath through Him. For if when we were enemies we were reconciled to God through the death of His Son, much more, having been reconciled, we shall be saved by His life." Romans 5:6-10

Resolving to Pray

The last few days, the radio and internet have been full of resolutions for the new year. I actually haven't made any...could be that from the exhaustion of traveling over the holiday and the stomach bug that will not leave us alone... I have not even gotten to that point. But as I just sat for a minute in quiet (the girls are watching a movie and the boys are at piano) I am decidedly resolving to do what I know is the real answer to anything that needs changing in my life..re-solving my problems can only be done through PRAYER. I would have always said I was a person who prayed, and I do, it's just that I know FOR SURE, that I don't pray the way I should. I don't say that like there is a rule to keep or some thing to do because I need to check it off my list so that I can be good or that God would love me. In the depths of my heart, I know I need to talk with God...I need Him. His word says,"without Me, you can do nothing." I know He is the only way to walk with peace through this world, to have true joy, and also prayers are the best way I can serve those I love at home and abroad. I need to pray...I want to know Jesus more, I want to know the heart of God, I want to love the things He loves and love people the way He calls me to. I cannot do that flying by the seat of my pants into the day and surfing the web more than I pray and read my Bible. I am not feeling guilted and I am not trying to make anyone else feel guilted. I am encouraged and am encouraging those who read, let's get to know the Savior more. Let's meet Him more often in prayer, as we would with a friend over coffee. The Bible says to, "pour out our hearts before Him"! He hears and on His mysterious ways He uses those prayers to draw us closer to Him and make changes in this world...

37 Thoughts on my 37th Birthday!

I. Love. Birthdays. Especially those of the people who are dearest to me and of course, my own. It is fun for this sappy person to soak in this day the thought that God has allowed me to live another year. I mean it. I don't take for granted that I am alive this day. Just ask those who are closest to me...I am a bit morbid in my soberness towards life, but hey, that's who I am and I am thankful to the One Who is the giver of all good things to be alive!!! In Him, I live and move and have my being! He gives me life and breath and everything as the Scriptures declare!!!
I love to write. It is therapeutic to me, like exercise is...so as a gift to myself I am taking the time to do something I really enjoy!
Here are 37 random facts, thoughts or meditations that I have thought on this year...
Most important things I have learned spiritually:
1. I am more wicked than I could ever know
2. God loves me more than I can imagine and it has nothing to do with what I have or have not done.
3. I have idols in my life that God is shining light on more and more...things that I love too much.
4. God isn't angry with me or waiting to pounce on me when I do wrong. He is longing to have mercy on me and calling me back to Him.
5. When God looks at me, He sees Christ and His righteousness and Christ is my only hope. That knowledge has set me free from living under the weight of trying to please Him. He is already satisfied with Christ and I am covered by His blood.

Personal reflections:
6. I have grey hair, I am heavier than I want to be, I have many physical injuries that make my body hurt
7. But having no grey, being thin and uninjured cannot bring me the happiness that I once thought it could.
8. I have had to learn to enjoy walking for exercise because the pain in my body will not let me run, but this has made me thankful to be able to merely walk at all!
9. Having a clean house is great, but having having fun with family and friends is far better. I am learning to die to the need to have everything just so.
10. I am learing that it doesn't matter if people like me or not...idolizing that Is dying in my life. I am far more loved by God than I can I agine and that is enough!! Amen!

Favorite songs that I have listened to over and over this year:
11. Wonderful, christy nockels
12. Known, Audrey Assad
13. I will rise, Hillsong
14. I Shall Not Want, Audrey Assad
15. Eyes on the Prize, Sara Groves
16. I Look to You, Whitney Houston


Preachers that I would not be the same without:
17. Matt Chandler
18. Mike Sherrett
19. Tim Keller
20. Alistair Begg

Random things...

21. My mom is the best girlfriend I have
22. I like to listen to the group Pentantonix
23. My favorite things to watch are episodes of Locked Up Abroad and I Shouldn't Be Alive in Netflix
24. I am more in love with my husband now than ever
25. My body definitely feels older, but I still feel very young inside...
26. My kids are awesome!
27. Coffee is pretty much a necessity ; )

10 events from this year

28. I flew to Texas and visited with my brother and his family, by myself for a week!
29. My children had 2 bouts of lice, disgusting...most overwhelming "illness" we have faced
30. We went in our first family bike ride with everyone on their own bike!!! So fun!
31. Mark got a new job that he really likes
32. My brother gave us a family vehicle because we did not have one!
33. My precious Nana went home to be with be Lord!
34. I officially homeschool all Five of my children.
35. We love our church, are learning so much and have made some precious new friends there.
36. We didn't do any construction on our house this year...that is amazing.
37. I had a great 37th birthday, full of love, presents and feeling special!! I am happy to be one year older and I think, by the grace of God, one year wiser :)

My God, I thank You for my life. Take my life....

Take my life, and let it be
Consecrated, Lord, to Thee;
Take my moments and my days,
Let them flow in ceaseless praise,
Let them flow in ceaseless praise.
Take my hands, and let them move
At the impulse of Thy love;
Take my feet and let them be
Swift and beautiful for Thee,
Swift and beautiful for Thee.
Take my voice, and let me sing
Always, only, for my King;
Take my lips, and let them be
Filled with messages from Thee,
Filled with messages from Thee.
Take my silver and my gold;
Not a mite would I withhold;
Take my intellect, and use
Every power as Thou shalt choose,
Every power as Thou shalt choose.
Take my will, and make it Thine;
It shall be no longer mine.
Take my heart; it is Thine own;
It shall be Thy royal throne,
It shall be Thy royal throne.
Take my love; my Lord, I pour
At Thy feet its treasure-store.
Take myself, and I will be
Ever, only, all for Thee,
Ever, only, all for Thee.


Source: http://www.hymnal.net/hymn.php/h/445#ixzz2kImuBmxv

My thoughts and encouragement on homeschooling

I am posting this letter that I wrote to a friend's inquiry of my thoughts on being able to successfully homeschool 5 children. She suggested that I share this as a blog post in hopes to encourage other moms who need encouragement, guidance or ...whatever : ) These are only my "thoughts". I am no expert. This is my experience. I hope if you need encouragement it will bless you, on a hard day or in the beginning as you wonder if this could even be a possibility in the life of your family. Blessings ~Theresa xo

"Wow, homeschooling..., it is definitely a very challenging thing that brings me to my knees and makes me feel my need of Christ all the more. First, I think you have to know WHY you want to do it? Ask yourself, your husband the question: WHY am I considering homeschooling? This answer will help propel you through difficulties...if your answer is because you want to disciple your children, because you want to have the ability to decide what they learn and do not learn, because you want to teach them to love learning and to love God simultaneously, this motivation will propel you through what will be some very challenging days.

Another thing that you have to remember is that homeschooling is not going to look like regular school, I have to remind myself of this all the time. It may look like 10 minutes of reading with the 5 year old and send them off to color or do an activity at the table and then 15 minutes of math with the 7 year old and then send them to read a chapter book for a little while. Then you go and sit on the floor and read to the little ones and build blocks for 20 minutes...school is a climate of learning in your home. It isn't going to always be what we may have known of school in the public realm or the private for that matter either. School has to have a plan, but you make the rules. If your kids are learning and learning to learn, you are doing them a wonderful service. And furthermore if you are talking about Christ as you sit, as you stand, as you walk along the way, you are doing them an even greater service. Teaching them to love and know Christ is a huge gift.

[Please don't get me wrong here. I do not believe that homeschooling is the only choice for a Christian family and that you you couldn't disciple or love your child if you send them to school. I think loving and discipling children looks different in every family}

Another very important thing to remember is that alot of your life is already "school". The library visits, making cookies, making bread, teaching chores around the house. These things add up to making useful and profitable people who will go out into society and add to it in a lovely way. You MUST FOCUS only on a couple things in the early years and leave the rest alone. Teaching the children to read and do math is essential. Everything else in the early years up to 4 th or 5th grade is extra. READ, READ, READ. Read to the kids, let them get books that they like at the library. Listen to books on CD, talk to them about what they are reading...reading in a home creates smart children. Whatever interests them, get a book and have them read it or if they can't read it to them, or have one of the kids who can read, read it to them. Reading is the largest part of school. It may not "look" like school, but just reading is benefiting your children in a million ways.

MOST IMPORTANTLY is to seek CHRIST. Nothing happens in my home except from the grace of GOD. Truly, I could not do this without Him. Begging Him in the morning to help me. Reading a scripture with my coffee. Bowing my head when things get absolutely crazy here. Seeking Christ is essential and the worth of it is immeasurable. He helps me so much. Those who wait on the LORD WILL renew their strength.

Homeschooling is hard for me, but I am doing it because I believe it to be a worthy cause with priceless dividends. You will need Christ immensely and you will need to ask Him, what needs to be done and what does not each day. Trying too hard to fill a day with school work when you have lots of little people around will not be a super peaceful home. It will take trial and error. But teach your children lots of Scripture at meal times, sing songs, talk about Christ and read as much as you can. WHen things get really rough and crazy, stop, take time to tickle, give them a break and put on a learning video, put on classical music and take out the blocks and crayons and just sit. Go for a walk or a ride in the car and put a book on CD in the player...drink in Christ so that you will be a "stream to feed the garden" of your children. HE CAN HELP YOU.
Ask Him for wisdom. He promises to give.

If I can be of any practical assistance to you, come over one night and I can show you what I use and we can talk about some practical pieces to simplifying your school life...I am not a pro, but I have been doing it for a long time now and I know THE ONE Who can help ; ) Let me know how I can serve you. I will pray for you in this big decision. God will give you grace for whatever you choose. xoxo"

The Answer for Every Longing Heart

Do you ever wonder why your heart always seems to be longing for something? Maybe you haven't noticed, but if you start to think about it, you are probably hoping something in your life would change. I know that I have lots of longings. I have lots of things that I wish were just so...but they are not. Ummm...let me give some examples, I wish that I didn't ever get angry at my children, or that I don't lose patience when someone cuts me off the road. How about my unending desire to be thinner, just the size I think I should be...or that I would look so beautiful and my husband would be in awe over me ; ) lol...well, I actually do wish that sometimes (he is very sweet to me, don't get me wrong). But don't you have these ideals in your head? These thoughts and longings for things to be "just the way you were hoping" them to be?!

If I am perfectly honest, I want my life to be smooth, without pain, inconvenience...I want my relationships to be perfect and ideal. I long for my body to be thinner, healthier and in less pain. I want my crazy hot flashes to go away and I want that pretty much yesterday ; ) I don't want to have to deal with sin issues in my life, my children's lives, family members lives or friends' lives. I don't want people to hurt my feelings. I don't want to watch a friend suffer with illness, I don't want someone I love to die...Let's just be honest, (and I am not even a dreamer kind of person), I have lots and lots of longings for things that won't ever be fulfilled this side of eternity. You have lots of longings that will never be filled here on earth.

Why is this the case? Why are we, way down deep, dissatisfied? It's because a long time ago sin entered the world and ever since then we try to fill the chasm that sin created. The world is not perfect, so it will dissapoint. Even people like me, who know and trust in Christ, have these sin-sick hearts that want to be filled and we search for fulfillment in things that can't fully satisfy. The things we want aren't necessarily wrong, they just won't usually happen for us in this imperfect place. Only One can satisfy the longings deep down in our souls.

Knowing that Christ made a way for me to get to God is amazing and everyday I seek to know and love Him more. But I have realized, my real longings, the deep desires of my heart won't be fully satisfied until the day I meet Him face to face. Oh how I long for that day! God's Word says that we will bow down and confess that He is Lord. I long to sing His praises forever. And you know what? In Revelations, the Bible says,


Now I saw a new heaven and a new earth, for the first heaven and the first earth had passed away. Also there was no more sea. Then I, John, saw the holy city, New Jerusalem, coming down out of heaven... And God will wipe away every tear from their eyes; there shall be no more death, nor sorrow, nor crying. There shall be no more pain, for the former things have passed away.”
Then He who sat on the throne said, “Behold, I make all things new.” And He said to me, “Write, for these words are true and faithful.” Rev. 21

Yep, that is what I am longing for...the day when my faith will be made sight. The day when I won't be longing for anything. My sin will be gone, death will be conquered, Satan will be vanquished, everything I could have ever wanted will be fulfilled, because I and all of creation will finally be made completely new. No more pain, no more TEARS...ahhhhhh, can't even imagine. But that's where my hope is. Oh glorious day when sin, death and pain are no more!!! When broken relationships are perfected, and there isn't any more struggling with temper or impatience. And the best part of it is that Jesus, the One Who died so we could live will be there fulfilling our longings. Making all things new, wiping our tears away, bringing ultimate healing to our hearts and bodies that will never to hurt or long again... Jesus Christ...HE is The answer for every longing heart!

My Stone of Help

I have not written for a long time...AGAIN. That is my M.O. I suppose. But, hey, I am here today. Just because I do not write does not mean that I am not constantly reflecting. But, I write today because I know I need to. I don't want to let all these thoughts and the work of the Spirit in my heart go by and have no marker by which to remember them. Here I leave a marker, my Ebenezar.

Several months ago...almost a year ago, actually, while in the midst of a huge struggle with crazy hormones and a weight gain, I was troubled in my heart. So frustrated, as I always get over the battle that is my figure. Those who know me will know that I have struggled for almost a lifetime with excess weight and have from a young age done everything in my power to keep it off. But, I have gone to extremes and in turn done some damage to my body...that is beside the point...the point is that I always strive to be thinner and am internally frustrated over my body. This causes tears and major upset in my heart at various times in my life. (Please note: I am not looking for anyone to give me their great weight loss plan that worked for them. I probably have already done it. I know I am broken, but fixing that is not the real answer that I am dealing with today). The real issue lies deep within my heart.

All those months ago, I know that God was working in my heart to have me lay down the idols of people pleasing and my need to be thinner. He worked some of that out in my heart one day when I saw a young man in a wheel chair. It was as if I could hear the LORD whispering to me, "You have nothing to complain about, Theresa. Look at that young man. He can't walk or use his hands. He needs someone to even feed him." I was brokenhearted over my vanity and my pettiness. I could clearly see at that moment that I really had so much to be thankful for and that the 30 lbs that I was crying about was really nothing. I have health, strength, and energy. I have the ability to walk, run, feed myself, hug people with my arms. I really needed to take a step back and look at the full picture to see what was really important. God worked in my heart that day to tear some of that idol down in my heart. But that is ONE LARGE idol in my life. It seemed that it was going to take more chopping to get that thing down.

Here I am again, struggling with a weight loss and and then a weight gain again. UGGGH! I feel the frustration rising, the tears, the hatred of pictures of me. I can see the idol clearly in my heart, the thing that can make my mood sour in 2 seconds. The thing that can make me hate everything and feel overwhelmed about everything. The thing that makes me unkind to my husband and children and makes me want no one to touch me or look at me. And what did the LORD do for me the other evening??...

Sitting in the restaurant with my family, I see a man in a wheel chair and I was reminded of the thing the LORD had reminded me about. I was reminded how large I make that struggle of hating my body and how it affects my every thought and action. I consciously repented in my heart, saying, "God please let me remember this. To be thankful for ALL that I do have and not what I don't have." A bit later another family came into the restaurant and sat at the table next to us. THAT man was also in a wheelchair. I laughed to myself and thought, "OK, God. I've got the message. Thanks for the reminder!"

How kind my God was to allow me to see those men the other night! He knew what that would do in my heart and how it would help me to see the big picture. He knew how seeing those precious men in their wheelchairs would help me to remember that life isn't about being the "right" size or shape. I was so thankful for those moments there in that restaurant that helped me to once again confess my sin of idolatry. The sin of coveting what I don't have, a great figure, and forgetting to be thankful for ALL that I do have. Oh, that I would remember that day when my God gave me eyes to see more clearly than I have on other days. Thank you God for being my "stone of help", my Ebenezar. I write this today as a marker to myself to remember what God would have for me: He wants me to love Him more than anything else. He wants me to get ALL my joy and hope from HIM. He wants to be the source of my joy. My joy should not be dependant on the size of my jeans, but the greatness of my God. He is my joy, my all, my life. Let me not let the noise of other things drown out the voice of what is really important.

If I spend so much time and energy being burdened down about what I don't have in my life, I cannot spend great efforts in glorifying God with what I do have today. Health, breath, arms that are strong to help those around me, legs that can move in service to my family and neighbors, eyes that can see creation and His glory, ears that can hear music that I love so much ,a voice that can praise Him!!! LET THIS BE A MARKER, a stone of help, my Ebenezar, that He has given me clarity in my mind and heart, to look to HIM and nothing else to bring me peace, satisfaction and joy inexpressible!

My Beloved

I was just standing in my kitchen, listening to a wonderful song about my Great God...after a long day celebrating with sugar cookies covered in icing and M&Ms and sprinkles, lunch with "Daddy" and a dollar movie...all in honor of Valentines Day...my heart was flooded with the need to write about my TRUE Valentine!

Ever since I was a little girl, there was a pull on my heart...a tug and a call to turn to the Creator of the Universe. I followed that call and confessed my need of a Savior when I was very young. As the years went by, it became more and more clear to me, that this God Who pursued me with a call deep in my heart, was the lover of my soul. More than just knowing Jesus as the One Who laid down His life for me, my Savior, I have gotten to know Him truly as the Best Friend and truly as THE LOVE of my life.

He has wooed me with His love for so many years. From the first calls of the Spirit as a little girl, showing me of my need for a Savior to be washed of my sins...as the One Who comforted me in sadness when a boy that I thought I would marry was no longer in my life...as a Friend, a companion who kept me company in all those hours and years of loneliness and homesickness during college...through Scripture as I had a panic attack and saw and heard His words, to not be afraid for He would go with me...as He preserved my life and kept me from taking my own life during a very dark season...in the many hours of difficulty as a new teacher, when I felt like I couldn't go back one more day...during the long and seemingly endless nights of motherhood, with a crying baby and sometimes a crying me...He has been with me THROUGH IT ALL. He has strengthened me, caused me to know the depths of His love through a peace that passes ALL UNDERSTANDING...

He has written me this love letter, the Holy Bible, which meets me right where I am...sad, lonely, confused, frustrated...He has spoken words of life to me. He has constantly pursued me and shown me in His word that He is there, He will not leave me, He loves me with an everlasting love, that He bottles my tears, that my life is precious to Him and that He even thinks about me more than all the grains of sands on the shores of this great earth. He is an extraordinary lover this Jesus. He has more than filled my life with joy and hope. While my life is filled with great blessings (particularly 5 little people and a husband ladies could be jealous for ;) my greatest delight in all of life is Jesus. He really is.

And in these past few months He has been pursuing me with one of the best things I have yet been able to grasp and learn of my Savior...grace. That He loves me, not because of something I have done or not done, but just because. God accepts me because I am covered by this dear, sweet Jesus, the only One Who was ever worthy. I cannot lose His love and I can't do anything to get more of it. It is simply mine because of Christ.

I long to see His face. I long to run to His arms. This man that I have read about, Whom history books talk about, Whom the Bible teaches about, Who it is told, touched eyes of blind and ears of deaf and made them whole again. This one who stood with a woman caught in the sin of adultery and had mercy on her...forgave her. This man Who took a completely horrific beating, gave up His life on a cursed cross and had me on His mind.

I cannot wait to have my faith be made sight. I have lived my life for many days and years in a pursuit to know this Beloved of mine, Jesus. But more than that HE HAS PURSUED me and has called me His beloved, part of His bride, which is the church. I want to see Him, to eat at the Marriage Supper of the Lamb...I want to bow down before the Throne with the angels and sing, "holy, holy, holy, Lord God Almighty...worthy is the Lamb who was slain to receive blessing and honor and glory and power forever".

There is another song, sung by Point of Grace years ago...there is a phrase in that song that I love to repeat...it says, "this Man that you have dreamed about is right before your eyes." That is My Beloved. I am His and He is mine. He never fails me, never lets me down, His is good and righteous and perfect. And He loves ME!? That is truly unbelievable!

So on this Valentines night, I am thinking of the true LOVER of my soul, the Author of Love Himself, My God, My Jesus and My Comforter, the Holy Spirit. Three in One, the perfect Love, and Valentine : )

Confessions of an Idol Worshipper

I am an idol worshiper. Yep, you heard me right. How many times have I read that verse in the Ten Commandments that says, "You shall have no other gods before me...you shall not make for your self a carved image, any likeness of anything that is in heaven above, or that is in the earth beneath, or that is in the water under the earth, you shall not bow down to them nor serve them."? I can remember thinking, "oh, well, at least that is one thing that I won't be doing". Oh, well that is what I thought.

I have heard it said over the years in different ways that we were made, created, to worship. And the more I have sifted that through my heart and mind, I have come to see how utterly true that is. We are all born with an innate desire to fill our lives with something that we ascribe worth and beauty to...so from the get-go we are on this path to find something that we think will satisfy us and we pour our entire beings into it, hoping with all we've got that it will fulfill us. It looks different in everyone's life, though some of us ascribe value to the same things. Nevertheless, we are ALL ascribing value to something and in turn, living for those things in some way or another.

Take me for instance...my confession here today is that I am an idol worshiper. I have several idols that I have been bowing down to in my life over the years. Several things that I have let take my energy and my joy; things that I have sought after to fulfill me, yet I have come up empty handed and distraught. I have tried to serve these things in my life to get satisfaction, to feel of significance, to justify my existence. This things are my idols. You think I am crazy, right? An idol worshiper? Well, let me say that these things in my life are the things that fill my thoughts and manipulate my life and can bring me to tears and...whatever.

Listen to this excerpt from my pastor in a sermon a couple Sundays ago:

"We are worshiping the wrong thing. Darkness is tragic...it is not only evil, it's tragic...We were built to worship Him...we are bent on worshiping something else. So idolatry becomes our biggest problem. Idolatry is the thing that is wrong with the world. We are worshiping something inferior to the living and glorious God.. We are living for what can't satisfy us. So idolatry says, the drunk lives for his bottle, the despite lives for his power, the socialite lives for respectability, the entertainer lives for adulation, the sloth lives for his ease, the revolutionary lives for his cause, the playboy lives for his trysts, the materialist lives for things, the glutton lives for his next bite, the people pleaser lives for his approval, the control freak lives for his dominance, the perfectionist lives for her performance, and what is sad and tragic is that they don't know that they don't know...darkness blinds you, it keeps you blinded from becoming glorious in worship..."

So what are the "idols" I have been bowing down to? Honestly, I have a couple. I confess that I have bowed down to the idol of approval from people; I have bowed down for the idol of performance. So for years I have felt inadequate and discouraged because I have been seeking people to approve of me and seeking perfection in ways that could never be attained. I have let these things fill my thoughts and my life. Beating against the wind, bowing to these things as if they could somehow fulfill. They cannot!

My greatest idol that I have bowed down to in my life is fitness and weight loss. Recently the LORD showed me in a greater way than ever, that these things have an unhealthy place in my spiritual life. Not because they are not good attempts, but because I obsess over them, bow down to them, use them to fulfill desires within me that only He can fulfill.

I don't need people to praise me, I don't need people to approve of me, I don't need to be perfect or perform and do all the right things. I don't need to be thin (though that may seem in this culture to be the "right" thing). I NEED HIM! I need more and more and more of HIM! Only He can satisfy, only HE is worthy of all my exhaustive efforts and energies that I have poured into these things.

I confess to be an idol worshiper, because that is the first step in telling the God Who is worthy of all my love, all my praise, all my efforts, all my attention, that HE is enough. He is enough.

And even as I write this I am tempted to think, "what if they misunderstand what I mean?", "what if they think this?" "what if...?". Right here, right now, I lay down the idol of caring what others think and I bow to my God Who calls me righteous and loved, simply because He made me and has called me His own.

Some more words from my pastor on this,
"God declares what you are...no matter what your IQ is, no matter
what you think of your appearance, no matter what you have or have not accomplished in life, no matter how much money you have, none of that compares to God's simple declaration that, "YOU ARE MINE". You have wealth, significance, love, eternal beauty because God decrees it so. Wow! That's hope for us...striving to prove there's a reason for my existence. God declares it, "I have redeemed you, I have made you, I love you, that's it!" This is a good report."

What do you bow down to? What do you let rule your thoughts and actions? What do you elevate to unhealthy levels in your life? In your attempts to do and be, what leaves you distraught and dissatisfied? Let's cast off these things, let's bow to the One and only One Who could ever satisfy, Who could ever be worthy of all our worship. Who says, "I love You, love Me in return. Turn away from those other things. Only I can give you peace."

A Multitude of Sins

"Love covers a multitude of sins" ~ Lord, make this true in my life.




Have you ever heard that song by Sara Groves, "loving a person just the way they are that's no small thing...Loving me just the way I am that's no small thing...it's the whole thing" ? That's a few small words that really sum up the life of every person who desires to love God with all their heart, soul, mind and strength. Letting love cover the sins of the people around us. If I am honest with myself, this is not an easy thing to do. When you feel like someone is against you, doesn't like you, or offends you, do you find it really easy to cover that sin, and just forgive. Cover it and be done with it? There are times and things that it is simply easy for me to cover and let it go and other times that it goes a little deeper and well, it's just not as easy as that.

But I want to encourage myself and anyone who might read this post to love truly. Let's really let love cover a multitude of sins and differences in our lives, really cover them. Let's not be foolish, as I can sometimes be, and hold things against a person for hurting us. Let's cover it with love. We are all so different, and furthermore all are sinners. We all need grace. So whether someone sins against you or me knowingly or even unknowingly, let's keep our eyes on Jesus and forgive.

And as the Scripture also says, "If anyone has a complaint against another, even as Christ forgave you, so you also must do". Wow! When I stand in the presence of Jesus, worshiping in my times with the LORD or in the assembly of all who believe, I see myself for who I really am: A sinner in need of a blessed Redeemer, a sinner in need of forgiveness, and a sinner in need of love to cover the multitude of my sins. That's good stuff to chew on for all who want to walk the way Christ calls us to, starting with ME. Let it be so in our lives, let it be so. May we glorify Him in the way that we love one another.


Matthew 22:37-40
"Jesus said to him, 'You shall love the LORD your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your mind,' This is the first and great commandment. And the second is like it: 'You shall love your neighbor as yourself.' On these two commandment hang all the Law and the Prophets."

Monday, Oh Monday!

Do you ever go to bed on Sunday night and think: "This weekend can't be over yet" or "oh, tomorrow's Monday, ugggh!" I do. My often weary spirit says that. Oh for another day of the weekend!! Maybe one where I didn't have to do anything or go anywhere or maybe a day that looks like a vacation!!! Those are sometimes my thoughts. And there are seasons of my heart and seasons of my life when I am more weary than others. Sometimes it is just circumstantial, lots of things going on and I feel tired from it all. Sometimes it is physical, an injury or illness for me or a child, or even just a dark season when the clouds seem to loom overhead much more regularly...whatever the case may be, sometimes we get weary. I get weary. I love that my God talks about that. I love that He addressed it in several passages that are a balm to my heart.

In Isaiah 40:28-31 He said,

"Have you not known?
Have you not heard?
The everlasting God, the Lord,
The Creator of the ends of the earth,
Neither faints nor is weary.
His understanding is unsearchable.
29 He gives power to the weak,
And to those who have no might He increases strength.
30 Even the youths shall faint and be weary,
And the young men shall utterly fall,
31 But those who wait on the Lord
Shall renew their strength;
They shall mount up with wings like eagles,
They shall run and not be weary,
They shall walk and not faint."

Jesus spoke these words in Matthew 11:

28 Come to Me, all you who labor and are heavy laden,
and I will give you rest.
29 Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me,
for I am gentle and lowly in heart,
and you will find rest for your souls.
30 For My yoke is easy and My burden is light.”


I am worker, a striver, a try-er, a do more-er, an I should get it all done and I should be good at it-er. But you know what? I can't get it all done and He doesn't even ask me to. You know what He tells me? He tells me to wait on Him, come to Him, learn from Him. He promises to give strength and to give rest to those who are weary in spirit. I love my God. He is so very good. He is so very kind. Kinder than I know...I read this paragraph today on Ann's Voskamp's blog. It was SOOOOO good. The whole blog post was amazing as usual but this is one part that especially stuck out to me, so I close with this:

More than needing schedules and productivity, this week will need a Savior and prayer. God’s not asking me to produce– He’s asking me to pray. God’s not asking me to climb ladders — He’s asking me to kneel and let go...

...His grace will be more than just sufficient — His grace is guaranteed to actually save. Time, me, the week, all redeemed and miracles happen in mirrors and to people we know. When we know Christ, we always know how things are going to go — always for our good and always for His glory.

Three Weeks Down & onto Four

So far we have finished three weeks of school!! Yippee!!! I have only good things to say and that is to the glory of God. He has given me peace of mind and strength of body, spirit and soul to do this task that I see as glorious, but difficult. Mornings that begin at any where from 4:45 to 5:30 and run until well, too late it seems (mostly around 11:00 pm)~ my days are full, with time with the kids starting around the 7-8:00 am hour and running the course til about 9 pm...

I am desperate for strength from the LORD, so my mornings are starting well, drinking from His Word and sitting with Him in prayer. I need this time so much, acutally I need more time than I am spending...but I know it is true that those who wait on the LORD, will renew their strength, so I am hoping in that, praying for that and sensing that every step of my way and when I feel weary, as I often do, I cry out and ask Him to renew that strength that only He can give. I need to keep running to Him and all the more. I need His strength...every hour : )


About a week ago (when I actually started this post), I decided to take some pictures throughout our day...from the pledge to the flag, to math to crafting to handwriting...here's some of what our day looks like: