One of my worst failings is fear, one of my worst fears is the dentist. Over the years, I never minded the dentist, had great checkups and great teeth. But after the beginnings of my childbearing years, there was a different story. I began to get so many cavities, and now I even have a broken tooth. The fear that is wrapped up in that is the fear of man, firstly, "what will they think of me? they will think that I don't care for my teeth? that I am lazy..." The fear of man is snare, so true. I also fear the funds that it will cost to pay for all those cavities and a crown. I also fear the pain that will be caused in fixing them, and so on...
Now having children, I have 5 more people's teeth to think about. We do a good job, I believe of brushing their teeth everyday, with only an occasional miss during the year. But I have one child that seems to me that she has a cavity. Oh the panic, real fear, that floods my soul when I look into that mouth and see what I believe looks like a cavity. "what kind of mother will the dentist think I am?" "I am not doing a good enough job." " I am not a good mom." The fear of man, the lies of the evil one coupled with that.
Today, looking in a beautiful 5 year-old's mouth, my stomach went to panic, anxiety. Whatever will I do if my child has to get a filling?!!! So were the thoughts in my mind at that moment.
But fear is not where I dwell. For I must remember with Whom I dwell, with Whom I abide, the One Who casteth out all fear. The One Who is Perfect Love. The One Who knows me intimately, knows my heart, knows my laborings, my goods, my bads, my strengths, my weaknesses and even pities me because He remembers that I am dust. In Him, I abide. I must not fear. But what then do I do when I am faced with the flood of anxieties that I have over facing the dentist, the bill, the pain, the watching my little one be in pain, the feelings of guilt, thinking I should have done better with myself, with my children?????? I know what I must do this day, what I should do everyday that fear seems to creep into my mind and heart, abide in Him and think on this:
Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God; 7 and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.
Finally, brethren, whatever things are true, whatever things are noble, whatever things are just, whatever things are pure, whatever things are lovely, whatever things are of good report, if there is any virtue and if there is anything praiseworthy—meditate on these things.
So the fear may not be the dentist for you, or for me tomorrow, but fear most certainly will come. And when it does, I will choose to not fear, but put my trust, my hope in the One Who holds today, tomorrow, my every minute. Who has written in His book my days, even when there was none of them. How can I fear with a God like that?!
"In God, I have put my trust. I will not be afraid. What can man do to me?"
~Psalm 56:11
"In You, Oh Lord, I place my trust. I thank You, that though You are the God of the universe, You care for my smallest need. You tell me to place them all at Your feet, that you care for me. And even in the tiniest of the details of my life, what may seem foolish or unimportant to others, I still can come to You about it, I can cast my cares, my fears on You. Knowing that You hear. And when I do, Lord, something truly supernatural, something powerful happens. You fill my life with peace, that passes all understanding. When minutes ago, I was fretting over teeth, I become still. I will need to do this millions of times in my life, give it to You, cast it on You. But Lord, You hear, You listen and You keep Your promise, to give peace. Not as the world gives, but perfect peace. I love knowing You Lord, You are the Love of my life, my joy, my Peace, the One that I need. The only thing I need.
In Jesus Name,
Amen"
Spurred on by the Spirit and others to write...my heart, my struggles, my life, my chaos, and to find that EVERYTHING is SACRED...finding the sacred in the chaos of real life, for the glory of God.
Tuesday, March 29, 2011
Monday, March 28, 2011
The Beginnings of My 1000 Gifts...
I began handwriting my list and think I shall continue, but I was considering earlier posting my list and after Ann's inspiration to share, here I begin, the journaling of "every good and perfect gift, coming down from the Father of Lights with Whom there is no shadow of turning"
1. snuggling with Maryann on the couch with no one else around and her sweet smile
2. daffodils blooming in the neighbor's yard
3. the privelege and joy of being a stay-at-home mom
4. monthly bonus checks that pay off debt and bills
5. easy friends
6. getting up at 8 only to find all quiet, coffee and my Bible
7. ibuprofen
8. spring sunshine
9. groceries
10. peace that comes from knowing the Lord
11. children
12. the love that God give me for my children
13. sweet words and tones that God lends to my voice
14. chatting and laughing with my boys @ bedtime
15. 1 dollar ice cram sundaes
16. a spare pair of pants in the van for a little one's accident
17. a wealth of knowledge to tap into via the internet
18. a nice vacuum
19. a husband who loves to spend time with me
21. Fridays...
22. productive days
23. hope...in so many things
24. that fear does not have to won me
25. that there is a new covenant
26. that Jesus paid it all
27. for a lovely place to call my home
28. children who are healthy
29. parent who shared Christ with me
30. lovely people I am privleged to know
31. lessons and chastening that the Lord gives
32. 3 beautiful messy-haired girls in jammies
33. Sunny Saturday
34. improved feeling in my feet
35. parents who are selfless
36. hot showers
37. music that I can hear in the kitchen
38. the He hears
39. frozen burritos, saving time and money
40. Norah's improved behavior
41. coffee
42. new shoes, helping to heal my feet
44. inspired songwriters, Sara Groves...
45. remembering birth stories of my children
46. pictures that capture good memories
47. the life of Norah
48. celebrating birthdays
49. giving gifts to children
50. watching children eat candy, cake and ice cream
51. decorations
52. Sunday rest
53. a repaired dishwasher
54. hands lifted high during worship
55. sleep, that the Lord gives
56. clean walls
57. hurt feet that make me realize my frailty, recognize my pride
58. conversations with friends
59. the God will judge the intents of all hearts
60. wisdom from above
61. a large washer and dryer
62. an encouraging not from a friend
63. watching hard hearts soften
64. silence on the monitor that says all are sleeping
65. ...
The Water That Flows from My Stream
Reading this morning in preparation for my day, I was once again prompted to think upon my tongue. I was thinking about the way I desire to teach my children, about a conversation I had with a beautiful four year old in Walmart yesterday (my daughter), about the tones, the almost arguing I do at times with little people, the displeasure that can be heard in my voice, the annoyance, the lack of self-control...
This job of being a mother, and for that part, the job of being a person, lends to using our voices and the using of our voices can lend to blessing people or cursing people. No matter what kind of day I have in regards to my tongue, the best day or the worst, I can always do better, for I am not perfect,"if anyone does not stumble in word, he is a perfect man, able also to bridle the whole body" ~James 3:1.
The song Sacred, the one I have been meditating on for all these months now, has one of my all-time favorite lines: "when I forget to drink from You, I can feel the banks harden, Lord make me like a stream to feed the garden". The garden for me is my children, five precious souls that will live on forever. What am I giving them to drink, bitter water or fresh water? Sometimes, I hate to say it, there is a great amount of bitter water flowing from my stream. There is a way, though I have not found it out yet, to speak to, to train my children, to teach them, to correct them to guide them with only fresh water. That bitter water slips in there so easily. How can this be? How is this possible? I want a stream that only yields fresh water!!
"With it we bless our God and Father, and with it we curse men, who have been made in the similitude of God. Out of the same mouth proceed blessing and cursing. My brethren, these things ought not to be so. Does a spring send forth fresh water and bitter from the same opening? Can a fig tree, my brethren, bear olives, or a grapevine bear figs? Thus no spring yields both salt water and fresh."
How can I purify this stream that flows from me, so I speak grace words, only words that strengthen souls, as Ann Voskamp would say? It is all related to what the Lord has been working in and out of my spirit. I must first abide in Him and His words in me. I must abide, spend time with Him so that I can be full of the water that is sweet, the water that runs clear, and fresh. Then I shall bear the fruit of my lips that I long so desperately to bear. To hear the words flowing out of my stream, strengthening little ones, big ones, all who hear them.
So today I cling to this from James chapter 4:
But He gives more grace. Therefore He says:
“ God resists the proud,
But gives grace to the humble.”
Therefore submit to God. Resist the devil and he will flee from you. Draw near to God and He will draw near to you. Cleanse your hands, you sinners; and purify your hearts, you double-minded. Lament and mourn and weep! Let your laughter be turned to mourning and your joy to gloom. Humble yourselves in the sight of the Lord, and He will lift you up."
"It is Your grace I need, to humbly say, what a wretch I am much of the time in the way I speak, in the tone I use. Help me to know how to speak rightly. Keep me close to You Lord, abiding in You and Your words abiding in me. Be glorified in filling me with fruit overflowing, fresh water from the stream of my mouth. Not that it can be said that I am good, but that my Savior is good, that You may be glorified. That men may see my good works and glorify My Father Who is in Heaven. Help me to draw near to you, near to You, near to You Oh God. Give grace to my tongue today, for the souls that are nearest to me need fresh water to feed them.
In Jesus Name,
Amen, So be it!!!!"
This job of being a mother, and for that part, the job of being a person, lends to using our voices and the using of our voices can lend to blessing people or cursing people. No matter what kind of day I have in regards to my tongue, the best day or the worst, I can always do better, for I am not perfect,"if anyone does not stumble in word, he is a perfect man, able also to bridle the whole body" ~James 3:1.
The song Sacred, the one I have been meditating on for all these months now, has one of my all-time favorite lines: "when I forget to drink from You, I can feel the banks harden, Lord make me like a stream to feed the garden". The garden for me is my children, five precious souls that will live on forever. What am I giving them to drink, bitter water or fresh water? Sometimes, I hate to say it, there is a great amount of bitter water flowing from my stream. There is a way, though I have not found it out yet, to speak to, to train my children, to teach them, to correct them to guide them with only fresh water. That bitter water slips in there so easily. How can this be? How is this possible? I want a stream that only yields fresh water!!
"With it we bless our God and Father, and with it we curse men, who have been made in the similitude of God. Out of the same mouth proceed blessing and cursing. My brethren, these things ought not to be so. Does a spring send forth fresh water and bitter from the same opening? Can a fig tree, my brethren, bear olives, or a grapevine bear figs? Thus no spring yields both salt water and fresh."
How can I purify this stream that flows from me, so I speak grace words, only words that strengthen souls, as Ann Voskamp would say? It is all related to what the Lord has been working in and out of my spirit. I must first abide in Him and His words in me. I must abide, spend time with Him so that I can be full of the water that is sweet, the water that runs clear, and fresh. Then I shall bear the fruit of my lips that I long so desperately to bear. To hear the words flowing out of my stream, strengthening little ones, big ones, all who hear them.
So today I cling to this from James chapter 4:
But He gives more grace. Therefore He says:
“ God resists the proud,
But gives grace to the humble.”
Therefore submit to God. Resist the devil and he will flee from you. Draw near to God and He will draw near to you. Cleanse your hands, you sinners; and purify your hearts, you double-minded. Lament and mourn and weep! Let your laughter be turned to mourning and your joy to gloom. Humble yourselves in the sight of the Lord, and He will lift you up."
"It is Your grace I need, to humbly say, what a wretch I am much of the time in the way I speak, in the tone I use. Help me to know how to speak rightly. Keep me close to You Lord, abiding in You and Your words abiding in me. Be glorified in filling me with fruit overflowing, fresh water from the stream of my mouth. Not that it can be said that I am good, but that my Savior is good, that You may be glorified. That men may see my good works and glorify My Father Who is in Heaven. Help me to draw near to you, near to You, near to You Oh God. Give grace to my tongue today, for the souls that are nearest to me need fresh water to feed them.
In Jesus Name,
Amen, So be it!!!!"
Sunday, March 20, 2011
For My Sins
This morning just a short time before going to church, I heard myself uttered some ugly words, nothing big, just something unnecessary and not edifying, definitely not imparting grace to the hearers, as it talks about in Ephesians 4. Well, anyway, I was convicted right then and there as my husband spoke nothing after I said what I said, stopping my unnecessary ugliness right then and there.
Well, as I sat in church singing, the thought that the Spirit was ringing in my heart was that Christ died for that nastiness. For that unnecessary, unedifying word that I took the privilege of speaking without any thought to the consequence. For some reason today it struck me in a way that I don't think I can rightly put into words. It just was a warning, a conviction in my spirit and an almost exciting encouragement, that I don't have to speak those things, I shouldn't ever speak those unwholesome things because my Lord had to die for that. Does it make me feel good, or justified to talk unloving towards or about someone? Do it do any good? I say NOT! It does nothing but offend my Savior and smell of foulness in the body. In a new way today I feel encouraged and challenged by the Spirit to "let no unwholesome word proceed out of (my) mouth" Here is the scripture and it says it all, grace words, not grieving the Spirit, but imparting grace. Oh let me do that!! Let me remember what sent my Savior to the cross, it was for that. May I repent of my unwholesome speech and glorify God by abiding in in and bearing much fruit: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and namely in this case, SELF-CONTROL!
Let no corrupt word proceed out of your mouth, but what is good for necessary edification, that it may impart grace to the hearers. 30 And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, by whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. 31 Let all bitterness, wrath, anger, clamor, and evil speaking be put away from you, with all malice. 32 And be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God in Christ forgave you.
Well, as I sat in church singing, the thought that the Spirit was ringing in my heart was that Christ died for that nastiness. For that unnecessary, unedifying word that I took the privilege of speaking without any thought to the consequence. For some reason today it struck me in a way that I don't think I can rightly put into words. It just was a warning, a conviction in my spirit and an almost exciting encouragement, that I don't have to speak those things, I shouldn't ever speak those unwholesome things because my Lord had to die for that. Does it make me feel good, or justified to talk unloving towards or about someone? Do it do any good? I say NOT! It does nothing but offend my Savior and smell of foulness in the body. In a new way today I feel encouraged and challenged by the Spirit to "let no unwholesome word proceed out of (my) mouth" Here is the scripture and it says it all, grace words, not grieving the Spirit, but imparting grace. Oh let me do that!! Let me remember what sent my Savior to the cross, it was for that. May I repent of my unwholesome speech and glorify God by abiding in in and bearing much fruit: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and namely in this case, SELF-CONTROL!
Let no corrupt word proceed out of your mouth, but what is good for necessary edification, that it may impart grace to the hearers. 30 And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, by whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. 31 Let all bitterness, wrath, anger, clamor, and evil speaking be put away from you, with all malice. 32 And be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God in Christ forgave you.
Monday, March 7, 2011
Back Home and Longing to Abide
Well, after being gone for a little over a week, we are home and I am thankful. We had a GREAT trip. It really could not have been more fun. I loved it! I am so thankful for the generosity of our parents and my aunt and uncle for making that trip possible. It was a lot of fun!
One thing I realized though, as the trip was coming to a close, that I hadn't done too much in the way of spending time with the Lord, not a good thing. Oh, I read my bible a couple of times, but that was it, I prayed when things presented the need for prayer and thanked Him accordingly, but as far as walking close to Him, I feel like there was something lost during my time away. A reminder to myself is this: Though I may be away from home, I still need to abide close to Him.
Someone shared this verse in a group of women last night. It spoke directly to me, not just because of my trip and my time of not fully abiding, but because I am so prone to wander, even though I love my Savior dearly.
John 15:5 and following reads:
I am the vine, you are the branches. He who abides in Me, and I in him, bears much fruit; for without Me you can do nothing. 6 If anyone does not abide in Me, he is cast out as a branch and is withered; and they gather them and throw them into the fire, and they are burned. 7 If you abide in Me, and My words abide in you, you willb]" style="font-size: 0.75em; line-height: 0.5em; ">[b] ask what you desire, and it shall be done for you. 8By this My Father is glorified, that you bear much fruit; so you will be My disciples.
May this be my meditation towards Him this week, starting with today. Amen.
This also reminds me of the words in this song, how I am prone to wander. This too is the prayer of my heart!!! May it be so, oh may it be so!!!!!
"O to grace how great a debtor
Daily I’m constrained to be!
Let Thy goodness, like a fetter,
Bind my wandering heart to Thee.
Prone to wander, Lord, I feel it,
Prone to leave the God I love;
Here’s my heart, O take and seal it,
Seal it for Thy courts above."
Daily I’m constrained to be!
Let Thy goodness, like a fetter,
Bind my wandering heart to Thee.
Prone to wander, Lord, I feel it,
Prone to leave the God I love;
Here’s my heart, O take and seal it,
Seal it for Thy courts above."
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